for jessica

*

so the other day, in my previous post, i alluded to feeling all wonky about blogging. i took a little hiatus due to a bout of the blogging (also facebook, pinterest, and internet in general) ick. i can't be the only person who leaves an intimate session with my computer feeling jealous, unproductive, unfulfilled, and well...sad. in a flash of ridiculous vengence, i've struck blogs from my bookmark bar as though that action alone will bring relief from the endless window shopping i constantly subject myself to. that's just crazy.

then a few months (or less) go by, and i step back in, cautiously, vowing to spend only so much time in front of the screen, with only a select few, purposeful stops, promising to steer clear of the not-so-feel-good-spots i know still taunt me. and i think, "hey...i can do this! i'll just look a little, share a little, and walk away...just walk away."

today, on the actual telephone, my sister and i discussed this. i think we agreed to sum it up this way: who doesn't love show and tell? especially when you're the shower-teller? it's fun. it's a method of record keeping. it's like an interactive video game involving your own actual life where real live people can jump right in and hang out a little. the thing to keep in mind, though, is that it is a game. all those pictures aren't the whole picture, that's the thing. as long as i spend sufficient time unplugged (let's not get all matrix-ey here), i think it's gonna be okay.

in the meantime, if you don't mind me thinking out loud, subjecting you to the ongoing report of my life with children, or reading my profound retellings of some of the things i've seen or heard, you're welcome to stay. make yourself at home. and if i'm on your annoying list, go ahead and delete me into cyber nothingness. jess, you say you like it, and that's good enough for me. from all the way over here to all the way over there, this one's for you.

*coming soon: more clutter shots that tell the story of our lives, in all their chaotic glory.

green bean teepee

saw her bean pole teepee last year, and knew these little fort nuts would LOVE one. and since leif's favorite vegetables are "garden" green beans, i knew it would be a hit. we have lots of space outside, but also lots of deer visitors, and constructing a deer-proof garden spot is on a long list of projects. but we do have a little fenced side yard in need of lots of work (meaning we can do just about anything we want over there, and it will be better than what it is now). so we took advantage of a break in the rain and got busy. i gathered a few random long sticks, tied them up, and let the boys go crazy with the yarn bag. they pretended to be spiders, weaving their way in and out of the sticks and each other. everyone was busy working on different aspects of the project, and it felt so good to be happily creating something together. everyone came and went, of course, but for the most part, all three boys were enthusiastically engaged at one time or another.

we were on such a roll, we even stuck a few pea seeds in the ground...we'll see what happens. (by the way, for those of you who aren't local, we've had TONS of rain and unseasonably cold temperatures here, so that's why our gardening adventures may seem late...and why i'm optimistic, but not betting too much on a whole lot of success...it's the process, not the product, right?!?)

and when the inevitable rain paid us its afternoon visit, the boys enjoyed sitting at the window watching all the birdies feasting on the tiny critters we turned up.

what is

it's 5:04.

normally, this is the time when little boys around here are herded away

from afternoon activities toward dinner (or are already pacing the kitchen like starving hyenas). but not tonight. finally, there's a break in the rain, and i'm licking these moments up like the last bits of cake. they're outside, making their own mud dinners, soups, and crazy concoctions. i can see a beer bottle, the ash bucket, a tool belt, and a nice pile of urgently green weeds. they're happy. i'm happy. and whenever the inside calls to them, there are warm cookies

waiting to lure them to the tub.

dinner can wait.

friend party, finally!

are they here yet? what about now? now? NOW?????

last weekend, we finally had a "friend party" for leif...his actual birthday was only two months ago. sickness, busy-ness, post holiday no-more-celebrating-anything-ness...it all contributed to a little delay in the festivities. but, we finally arrived at just the right time, and (crazy, high-energy, six-year-old) fun was had by all. oh yah.

there were cool dino headbands,

balloon craziness...followed by nerve blasting balloon popping,

a little gift envy (oh, that one's so hard for me...),

and an awesome, daddy-designed dino cake!

oh, and yes...a pinata. giving an old ax handle to the above mentioned crazy six year olds? what a great idea! but, it was fate -- leif discovered it hanging from the ceiling at the local discount store. no way that thing wasn't coming home with us.

we didn't escape without a little snow and a lot of wind (i guess a january birthday just kinda sticks with ya), but we did make it outside for the pinata. just on account of that, i'm chalking the whole thing up as a success.

you sneaky devil goddess, you...

missy chase lapine, you're a genius, and i love you.

ok, so i've had this book on my shelves for around four years now, thanks to my friend, andi. geologically speaking, that's not too long, right?

well, the stars were aligned yesterday, and for whatever reason, i decided to give the crunchy chicken tenders a go. they were sooooo yummy, and for the first time in my six years as a mother, i plunked down a pile of chicken nuggets for dinner and felt not one ounce of guilt, but rather excitement. "better than mcdonald's!" eric declared. now that's a compliment. they reheated today beautifully...crisp and delish....i prefer them with honey mustard.

with "orange puree" left over, we went ahead and made some "thumbprint peanut butter cookies" this afternoon...a perfect recipe for a four year old chef. smashing cereal with a rolling pin? check. plunging your finger into the middle of a dough ball? check. stuffing chocolate chips into the center of said dough balls? check. what more could we ask for? "healthiness", you say? check, check and double check. with an ingredient list including whole wheat flour, carrots, sweet potatoes, wheat germ, whole wheat cereal, natural peanut butter, & canola oil, i'd say this recipe is the tops.

while adding ingredients, eric noted it looked like "a mountain in the ocean...like hawaii". oh, goodness, i'm in heaven.

so out went a plate of these babies this afternoon, and everyone declared "great!" (well, sam said, "gate!") and munched them into oblivion. they actually gasped when they realized there was a plateful of cookies in front of them, and i wasn't limiting their access to it. leif declared, "it's a trick treat!" "why?" i asked. "because it's a treat, but it's not!" you got it, kid! you know what the best part is? we weren't even sneaky about it...we cooked together, and the kids know what's in these goodies. isn't that "gate"!?!

thrifty friends

once upon a time, there was a little boy who fell in love with a stuffed animal at the drug store. he went there from time to time with his brothers and mama, usually to pick up prescriptions...not exactly joy to a child. his favorite isles were filled with colorful gifts, seasonal knick-knacks, and of course, toys. this particular creature hung with his friends at the end of the row, attracting the eye and begging for a cozy home. "put it on your list," the mama would gently say, noting how much the little boy coveted the creature while simultaneously thinking it didn't quite fit her idea of the perfect toy. several months went by, and always the same little guy called out to her son. satin wings in his favorite color, blue. one day, justified by the coupon in hand, the mama marched into the store prepared, finally, to bring the winged temptation home for her son's fourth birthday. enter "zlock", member of the webkinz gang...a "zumbuddy" to be specific. much to the mama's delight, this was no passing fancy for her son. he was thrilled to find him among his birthday gifts and has slept with him, loved him, and toted him on adventures ever since.

this adoration did not escape his observant older brother, who began to long for a little friend of the same species. oh, my! the collection fever had gripped them! now the family, it seemed, needed another zumbuddy.

*sigh*.

fast forward to today and a much needed thrift store fix. the mama brought the oldest boy along with her for a treasure hunting adventure. fabric scraps, books, yarn...the normal odds and ends began to gather in their cart. but alas, you will never believe who gazed upon them from the piles of well-loved stuffed beasts...yes, a zumbuddy, please and thank you. and not just any zumbuddy, but the exact one, zana, the oldest boy had chosen to place on his list when his zumbuddy envy bloomed.

well, hit me with a daisy. that's the magic of thrift stores, i tell you. and now the two zumbuddies are sitting happily between their adoptive daddies, wrapped snugly in their newly made "sweater" bags.

but that's another story.

snow, sleds, sweet potatoes & star wars

on a whim today (thank you, joe, for your spontaneity...sometimes i just can't muster the energy), we headed up to the snow. nowhere special, just a roadside pile of the white stuff with just enough of a slope to keep the littles tickled. the timing was just right: warm sunshine & sam and eric falling asleep on the way. leif and joe got started first, while i took some pictures. woke up eric next so he wouldn't miss out, and the four of us got to play for a good while longer. sam finally woke up just in time for a stomp through the snow on mama's back. he was perfectly content, but i just had to go ahead and plop us both on a sled...even though that's not his favorite thing...i know, cruel. he giggled the first time, despite his initial protests, but the second time down was just too much for him. someday. anyway, we finished off the trip with a little snowfort construction while sam recovered with joe in the van.

when we got home, leif started peeling sweet potatoes for fries. after a day of sledding, fries are ok for dinner, right? the coolest part was that leif actually ate them...bless you, magical kid-assisted food prep...why do i hardly ever remember this trick?

the boys occupied themselves by parading as jedis, complete with fully equipped tool belts. for those of you (blissfully) unaware, please note eric's black-gloved hand, an unfortunate result of a duel with count dooku.

so there you go. how we keep ourselves entertained when the snow just keeps on coming.

celebrating eric

this kid is officially four today. although, apparently that's not in full effect until this evening, after his "family party". when he woke up, and i said, "today's your birthday! i can't believe you're four!" he said, "i'm still three. i'm not four until my party." but he said it with a little tinge of something melancholy...like maybe he wasn't quite ready to be older. i'm in no hurry either, so i said, "good! i don't want you to grow up too fast." and he replied, "well, i can't do that anyway." there. we're all consoled.

then he headed straight into his room and started to work on a puzzle. surely, keeping busy with something upstairs will keep you from aging too fast.

our day was spent playing and getting ready to take treats to school (more on that later). "this is such an exciting day!" he declared. birthday treats and your turn to share at school on the same day...wow...

by evening, he was pretty pooped, but not too pooped to turn four with his family. daddy home early, a few gifts, a favorite dinner, a turkey cake, and play time. he almost dozed off during dinner, but four is an energetic age, and he revived well.

clearly, the celebration was enjoyed by all.

happy birthday, sweet eric.

you are a peace-making, considerate, creative soul, and we love you to bits.

thankful and infested

who loves thanksgiving? we do!! yesterday was one of those minor miracles of timing and teamwork. somehow, despite raging eye infections, subfreezing temperatures outside, and a little don't-feel-so-well crankiness here and there, we managed to pull off a yummy dinner at a reasonable time with all parties present and awake. amazing. oh, and i even got a shower, so it was a special day indeed.

hear ye, hear ye! tell us what you're thankful for! eric: my toys, my food, and my family. leif: my family, lindsay and joe: our healthy family, sam: well, he kept that information private this year, but we can tell by his content nature he's pretty thankful for everything.

after dinner, i got to sit back in the rocker by the fire and just take it all in. watching the action in slow motion, full and happy. family all around in a warm house. we are so very fortunate...eye infections and all.

scenes from a birthday (mine!)

for some, moving the paint from place to place is just as exciting as using it.

painting penguins, polar bears, and peach orchards.

soothing a cold. we're all under the weather.

eric's works, from left to right: a squirrel in a peach orchard. see the varying ripeness? ;-), a penguin diving into the water headfirst (because that's how they always do it, you know), and a penguin portrait with eric's signature across the top.

downtime. don't we all look energetic?

the map fascination continues.

waiting for the....

cake!

a happy, mellow day at home with family. just what this birthday girl wanted.

a timeline of insanity, part I

5:30 - wake up way too early, worried about the freaky finger cookies scaring the dickens out of the little kiddies

6:00 - race out of the bathroom to comfort the screaming baby who's woken up fuzzy eyed eric and the "it's not morning yet!" declaring leif

6:15 - begin carefully covering the freaky black fingernails with a cheerful light blue frosting

6:16 - wonder what possessed me to make freaky black-fingernailed finger cookies for little children

6:30 - cook a relatively healthy breakfast to counter the onslaught of "food" containing obscene amounts of sugar, fat, sugar, and sugar.

6:45 - collect random items for costumes: mismatched gloves, safety pins, masks, helmets, etc.

6:46 - wonder what possessed me to make freaky black-fingernailed finger cookies for little children

6:47 - 7:38 - continue distractedly wandering through the house gathering everything from black olives, plastic spoons, paper plate pumpkins, a real pumpkin, slightly less freaky blue-fingernailed finger cookies, and a fire fighter hat to tiny carrots, heavy duty tape and a black cape.

7:42 - pack one star wars lunchbox with a somewhat healthy lunch to counter the onslaught of "food" containing obscene amounts of sugar, fat, sugar, and sugar.

7:50 - pile three munchkins, including one clone trooper, into the van for a 24 second drive to school in the rain to drop off said clone trooper.

8:02 - return home to dress two remaining munchkins (including one pint-sized anakin skywalker and one spur-of-the-moment fire fighter) and to raid the kids' dress-up drawer for myself (hello, "super kitty").

8:13 - construct a jack-o-lantern made entirely of tiny carrots, ranch dressing and black olives.

8:21 - paint black whiskers and a pink nose on my own face, at the suggestion of mini anakin.

8:35 - pause in bewilderment as mini anakin runs for cover away from super kitty, crying "take them off!" and "i don't want to see you!" and "don't look at me!"

8:42 - skillfully get anakin and firefighter into the van without looking directly at anakin.

8:46 - arrive at school dragging party goods, a dazed fire fighter, and a disturbed anakin through the rain and into the building.

8:48 - 9:00 - set up party snacks and games with another parent and teacher's assistant while 15 already jittery kindergartners await their sugar highs in the gym with their curler-clad teacher.

9:00 - 9:50 - tie on blindfolds, take pictures, adjust masks, chase candy-toting babies, open juices, rearrange pumpkins, laugh, encourage, cheer, hug, wave, clean up, and return tiny anakin (now distracted by candy eyeballs) and mini fire baby to van.

*sigh* and that was just the part before 10:00...

apples, apples, apples, apples, apples......

apples, anyone? there are more than enough to go around. we've shared, dried, baked, made art with, eaten, thrown, juiced, stored, tasted, and photographed a few apples lately. my favorite are the dried ones. i think joe would go with apple crisp. sam and eric probably prefer them fresh. it drives me nuts that so many still go to waste, but i guess the deer are enjoying them, and we enjoy the deer, so that's good. the rest we'll just call compost and let it go.

you have to start somewhere...

where have we been? well, ever since leif began soccer in july, life has been on fast forward. we went from soccer practices and games to a beach vacation on the oregon coast. after stopping at home for a couple of days to regroup, i took the boys on another adventure to our former hometown in washington. we swooped back home in just enough time to start school, and life just hasn't been the same since. toss in a couple of visits from the grandparents and starting up doodlebugs again (after a brief summer hiatus) and there's a lot less time for blogging. some of it's due to pure time crunch, some a deliberate abandonment of the computer, truthfully. there are just so many stories to tell and challenges to unravel.

normally, when i feel overwhelmed, we head to the woods. so that's what i'll do tonight.

we'll go back to july and a lovely visit to a nearby pond. while the younger boys snoozed in the car, leif and i hopped out to explore. we found a butterfly on the gravel where a forest service rig had pulled out & "rescued" him by putting him on a nearby plant to "recover". leif delighted in the close observations, and i delighted in his sensitivity and gentleness. when sam woke up, leif was excited to share with him.

eric soon joined us, and after a snack, was ready to go. i don't think i'll ever tire of watching these little ones from behind. there's something about it that makes me feel like i'm peeking in on their adventures...witnessing their escapades more from their perspective or from that of an outsider, rather than a director. someone once asked me if taking so many pictures makes me feel like i'm missing the moment. but for me, it's quite the opposite. it makes me more present.

sam carried that little flower all the way around the pond with him and kept it nearby when he started something new at the water's edge. this was a perfect little sopping spot to stick in sticks and dabble toes.

the big boys use this spot for racing "pods" (leaves). they follow them along the little seep to see who wins. sometimes they crash them up demolition derby style to see which leaves can still race despite all the holes and tatters. it's serious business, i tell you.